Originally published on Chopsticks Alley on March 5, 2021
Have the bluest
The greenest
And when they’re brown
all they’ve got to do is make that goofy smile
Or sultry smirk
call me Yoko Ono because that’s how little they’ve got to do
Sometimes they’ll say dumb things
Like how your grandparents’ food doesn’t smell “that bad”
Or that he’s always wanted to be with an Asian
And maybe one time he called you his private panda during sex, but that’s a
memory you’ve pushed deep, deep down until it was out of sight and mind.
Or that it’s funny that you’re not that good at math
Like, whatever, he’s cute, right?
He can rock a pair of boat shoes and cuffed shorts in summer
Or a hoodie a la Zuckerberg in fall
Or an oversized and cuddle-worthy crew neck sweater in winter
Or an impeccably fitted long-sleeved Henley with the sleeves pushed up in spring.
Their cringy jokes will make you laugh harder than you’ve ever laughed
And at the same time, they’ll cuddle with you on the couch
and you’ll rest your head on their chests and watch
Happy Gilmore
and you’ll force a laugh out along with them.
White boys will let you drive their truck
And comment on how good at merging lanes you are
And smoke their weed
And drink their white claw
And they’ll give you the aux because they’re confident that your anxiety will force you to put on The Smiths or Drake.
They’ll show their sensitive side
And let you vent about work
And then they’ll share their trauma with you
Only after your share yours with them
And they’ll punch the wall after talking to their mom on the phone
Get into a fist fight with their dad
And then immediately remind you how hard your parents work
They’ll call couch surfing deconstruction of capitalism
And refer to George Saunders as canon
They’ll remind you Bernie Sanders would have won
And that Kamala Harris was a prosecutor
But only when you talk about how good representation feels
You’ll have long deep talks about the grind and reaching your goals
And ethical coffee sourcing
And about how nudity is feminism
And that you look your best when you’re wearing his hats
And that he could probably beat Henry Golding in a fight
And the films of Richard Linklater–– which he assumes you’re not familiar with
And how they’re cool with gay guys hitting on them
That their queerness somehow cancels out their misogyny
That skateboards aren’t just for kids
That their ex from high school made them a better person
That Mac DeMarco exists
And no matter how much they try to empathize with you, they will always be
White boys.
Frankly Zach 